Fear

My thought for today is fear. I guess that is because I am experiencing more fear than I can remember ever having. We have been contemplating a big family move, and finally made the plunge. We signed the contracts. It appears to be a done deal. We move.

I was trusting God as we discussed the move and was keeping all those "what if's" from controlling my thoughts, but now that the decision has been made, a wave of fear-- the unknown--washes over me. I shake it off, and it returns. I try to keep it hidden. I try to give it to God. But in the end, I am afraid.

As a result, I have been contemplating the meaning of fear. Of course, my conclusion is that God created fear and therefore some fear is useful and indeed life-saving (like my fear of poisonous spiders! and doing my taxes wrong :)) The fear of the Lord is even commanded. So, where is my problem? It must be that I am afraid what God has for me is going to be something I won't like--it might hurt. It is always wrong to be afraid of God's plan... isn't it? That's a form of not trusting Him, of wanting my own way...that's it. Wanting my own way.

I don't want that. I don't want to live with a spirit of fear. I think it was Timothy who said, "God hath not given us a spirit of fear, but He hath given unto us a spirit of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." Instead of just shaking off feelings of fear, I need to accept God's plan and go with it--embrace it. It's seems so much more difficult than it sounds, but it is my goal for this journey...my goal for today.